I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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