we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
