you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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