Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
