Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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