Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
