You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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