Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
