Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
