i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
