feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
