the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
