4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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