I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
