Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
