Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
