it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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