That's intense
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
