i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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