No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
