he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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