What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
