I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
