I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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