Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
