I faked an abortion last night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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