...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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