Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
