1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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