the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
