Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
