john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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