So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
