Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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