She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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