why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
