Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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