i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
