Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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