With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
