yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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