i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
