I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
