Your mouth is God's brothel.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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