mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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