theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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