It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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