I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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