Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
