Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
