Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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