I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
